Well Beck, tomorrow is the first day of winter. I really dread it as I know after Christmas the days will be very long and lonely without you. I am signing up for a computer class after the first of the year. I miss you so much when it comes to these computer things.
I got a E-mail from Lisa Keil today. It was very sweet. She called herself, Heidi and Mo, my adopted daughters. You would be glad to know your friends haven't forgotten you.
Sunday night was the play at church. Things will never be the same over there. Don't know if I can stay there much longer. The people will be missed but not the leadership of some of the new ones taking over. Everyone wants to be seen or have their children seen. It's not a good place to go to sometimes.
We are trying to get ready for Christmas without you, but It has it's moments. It will really sink home when it actually gets here. I hope you have a good day in heaven. Do you get to see your dad much? How about your grandparents? I will be there before long and I want to see you right away. I can't convey how much you are missed by me. You were an anchor for me after your dad died and now I don't even have that.
Heather and I went to see the Nutcracker on the 10th of December. I thought of you a lot while I was there. Your company sponsored it. A Lot of your company people were there. You and I would have had a lot of comments to share.Most of the time everyone thinks I shouldn't be giving my comments out loud, but you always understood the need to just say it. Sometimes I talk to you when I'm all alone. Hope you hear me, but if you can't I'll still talk to you.
Well kiddo, gotta go . Work on the house some. Trying to get ready for the big day.
Remember I love you with all my heart or what's left of it. Talk to ya later.
Love from "YOu aint right " mom.

aThanksgivig,

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone for 2010. We had our traditional turkey dinner, with most all the trimmings we usually have. We did cut down a little this year. The only thing missing was Becky. How difficult it is to have a family gathering when one of the family is not there. We had almost gotten used to not having Tom with us, when Becky goes and dies on us.
We put the tree up, after dinner and it went pretty well. But then , Heather and I always put all the lights and the beads on before Becky and Adam helped hang the bulbs and other things. We didn't even put any music on while decorating the tree. Heather had it on at her house and I cried for about half an hour.All in all, I think we did pretty well, considering all the pain I was in.
After the tree was up, we watched the "Muppets Christmas Carol". Then we put one of the dvd's Becky had converted from our old tapes. It did not play in my tape player. My heart was broken for I knew Beck wasn't here to burn us a new one. It was in a 2 disc set, so we put the other disc in and it worked fine. We decided to ask Andi to help re-record the one that didn't work sometime.
Andi came over for a little while, and when she left, heather and I got the newspaper ads out and planned our stragey for Friday. Then Heather went home to bed for we are leaving at 4:30 in the morning. We went to bed also, Adam and Megan are leaving at 2:30 to go to Target. Heather and I said we wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole.
Thus the day ended. Not as bad as I anticipated. Still a huge hole in our lives is hanging there. Life can never be the same. I can still hear her voice, as if she were here telling us her thoughts about the things going on.
Don't know what Thanksgiving in heaven is like, but hope you had a very good day. I suppose you shared it with your dad and grandparents. There are more of you on that side of the fence now, than what's on this side.I love you, Becky Non and miss you still. I hope I let you know how special you were to me, while you were here on this earth. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I think my heart is really breaking into. Hope to be moving over there soon. Can't wait to see your face again and give you a great big hug.
I shall try to live each day as if It were my last for someday soon it will be.

Trick or Treat

Yesterday, Heather and I were talking about the Halloweens we've shared. When she and Becky were in grade school, they allowed the kids to dress up in their costumes and have a fun day at school.
The year she was in 3rd or 4th grade, I made her a "Woodsy the Owl" costume. I was very proud of it.I had spent a lot of time creating the thing. It was like a long brown pillow case that came down to the calves of her legs. I had made little "owl" ears and sewed them on the side and painted large yellow circles for eyes, and cut out the centers , so she could see.
The thing I was so proud of, was I cut out lots of little feathers out of brown felt and sewed them all around the sack in rows and then layers that over lapped each other so it really looked like the body of an Owl.
When she wore it trick or treating she didn't have too much trouble. But when she wore it to school the next day, Problems developed.
For you see, I didn't cut out a mouth. She said she had a very hard time talking all day and for lunch she had to pull it up over her head to eat. I guess when she tried to talk the material would get wet and make it very uncomfortable. She may have said she even got chapped lips from the wet material. hahaha
Then I remembered the year I made Becky a pumpkin. It turned out good and she looked so cute in it. The only problem was, I had it pulled up at the bottom to make it look round like a pumpkin, and when she tried to walk, she had to take very tiny little steps. It became a difficult situation for her when I tried to make her get in the car to take them to different places to trick or treat. she had a horrible time climbing in and out of the car. Heather could run up to the house, get her treat and pass Becky on the way back, because Becky had to walk so slow. Oh what fun I made for my kids. I'm sure they loved me for it.
Great memories girls. Great memories. Thanks for making them for me.
Love you both , bunches and bunches. mom.

Halloween 2010

Tonight was Trick-or-Treat in Shelby. Usually Becky and I give out the candy. We put chairs outside and don our coats and take blankets to wrap ar0und us, and sit and wait on the kids to come and ask for candy.
This year, Adam stayed with me for about thirty minutes. I put a jack-o-lantern that he had carved outside and put a votive with a lighted candle in it, inside the pumpkin, also I had a little pumpkin that took a battery, and lit up, a ceramic scarecrow holding a pumpkin that I put a candle in, some fall leaves, and the fall bouquet that liz and Grady got for us when Becky died, a stuffed scarecrow and a paper macrame pumpkin, and put them all outside on the stoop. It looked quite halloweeney. We dressed Daisy in her "Drama Queen" shirt and put a little straw hat on her head. She was real cute.
When Adam left at 6:30, we hadn't had one trick or treater. After he left I had about 10 kids come.
Then I carried everything back inside and Trick-or-Treat was over for another year. It Stunk. I did not enjoy it at all. Halloween was never my favorite holiday, but Becky and i had a good time giving out the treats to the little kids, then we always spent time together talking about the cute costumes we had seen. Such a little thing shared with someone could bring a happy feeling. I think happy feelings are over.
One life to share things with. I knew she would always be by my side. How much it hurts to lose that closeness. To never have known that closeness would be harder than the loneliness you get when it's gone, so, thanks Beck, for being my best friend. You are missed.
Love, mom

Two Months

Today= October 28,2010. Just two months ago, my daughter , Rebecca Mignon , passed away. It seems more like two years. I am still trying to grasp that it happened. I feel like I am walking around in a daze at all times. I know I am functioning, but I don't know how.
I just wanted to tell you, Becky, that I still miss you. I went to your house yesterday. Your memory still lingers there for me. I watered your plants. You would be proud to know they are still living. I couldn't help but cry, remembering how much you enjoyed that little place. It was the perfect place for you. I'm sorry, honey, that you couldn't enjoy it longer. I have to keep thinking that your new place is so much better.
You should see your flowers outside. They are really pretty now. I need to get over there and take a picture before the cold weather kills them. It may be too late for it is already 34 degrees tonight. I will try to go tomorrow if I can.
Linda and I are going to go and have lunch with Heather tomorrow. She really misses not having you to eat lunch with. Tomorrow night we are going to Shelby's last football game. It is home and we are playing Willard. It is supposed to be really cold. You would love it.Heather has been a real trooper and went with me to all the things we used to go to. I am going to take your camera and try and take some pics, just for you. I don't do real well yet. Never taken night pics, but you send your spirit down and help me.
Well, babe, I'd better close for now.It's almost 2 o'clock and I had better try and get some sleep. Don't sleep very much since you left.Wish you were here so we could sit up together again. Guess you had your fill of that while you were here. Rest well and remember I will always love you even if we are in two separate worlds for now. Tell dad I said "Hi" and I love him too. Good night to my precious girl.
Love forever and ever, mom





t

Lunch with the ducks.

Today, Adam and I stopped at McDonald's and got some lunch and decided to go to the park to eat. It's been one of those first fall days, where the temperature is about 70 in the sun, but a stiff wind blowing makes it about 50 in the shade.
We went to the area right beside Becky's old apartment. When we got out of the car and sat at a picnic table, we could look over to the left and see the apt. where she used to live.
As we sat there eating, we saw the ducks across the pond, huddled around a car, quacking at the top of their lungs. Soon, the car left, and the ducks looked around and saw us at the table, so they jumped in the pond and began swimming toward us as fast as they could. Two of them waddled up the bank toward us, and Adam threw a part of his bun on the ground in front of us. The ducks had a great time gobbling it down.
As we sat there enjoying the day and watching the ducks, I suddenly grew so sad, and my eyes filled with tears, thinking of Becky. I told Adam, that it wasn't fair that she couldn't be there to enjoy the day with us, for it was the kind of day she loved. I hope heaven has beautiful fall days for her to enjoy. I will always consider those ducks, hers, for she had to put up with them for all the years she lived in that apt.
So many things thru out the day remind me of her. She was so much a part of us that I can't get thru the hours without thinking of her. I'm thinking of all the things that she won't be doing down here and not the things she may be doing up there. Things have slowed down a little and so now the dark clouds have time to gather . I am just waiting for time to pass in hopes that the pain will lessen with it's passing, for I know it will never be completely gone. Still I am thankful for the time we had together and proud she was my daughter.My love for you will always be the same Becky, no matter what side of life you are on. With the deepest love, Mom.

My Little Girl

I had a little girl
An angel in disguise
She had a perfect smile
And a twinkle in her eyes

But she went away to heaven
To live forever more
And I must wait to see her
Till I cross that Blessed shore.

Missing you lots, Becky non, love mom

No Tears.

There are a lot of things in heaven that I am excited about. No more death. Yaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!
No need of money, no more burdens, heartaches or worries. A mansion to live in. All my loved ones gathered about.
But, after the last week, I think the one that says, "No More Tears," is my favorite. I have cried so many tears, that I thought they might all be gone and I'll never be able to shed another one. But, not so. Each time I dwell on my Becky's life and all the good things about her, they are right there in a mighty abundance. My glasses have permanent stains on them. I have become accustomed to looking around spots.
God said He would bottle them up for me and I'm wondering what kind of huge container He has for that purpose.
I used to think all that crying was not a good thing, but I now realize that I have had so many wonderful times with her, and so many wonderful moments shared together that I will have many more tears to give up. The tears are for the fact that I won't be able to have any more on this earth and that makes me sad, and also for the joy of having so many to remember.
I am thankful that our love was like a deep well, and thus it holds much joy, which in turn renders many tears.It is a great thing to know each tear stands for a joy we shared. So, nose and eyes, be prepared, there will be many more tears ahead. And that is not a bad thing.
Waiting for the day I will see you again and then all my tears will be gone forever.

Saying Goodbye

My precious baby girl, Rebecca Mignon went home to heaven on August 28,2010. She was 39 years old.

She spent the last 13 days of her life in Grant Medical Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, undergoing all kinds of tests. The first week there, we were told she had pancreatic cancer. They were planning on sending her home. With chemo , we were told she could have a year to live. The second week, her kidneys failed and her liver stopped producing proteins. She died on Saturday. Our pastor said that God showed her mercy even in death, because what kind of life would that year have been. She suffered horrible back pain.

The one thing that haunts me is, where she couldn't have anything to eat most of the time we were there because of the tests. She would beg for food and I wanted to give her some so bad.

We had to say good-bye to Granny Brown on July 26,2010, also. Becky was down there on her birthday. We thought she was having kidney stone problems then, and was pretty sick. Her aunt
Diana told cousin Lisa it was her b-day, and Lisa, who was headed to Wal-mart brought back helium balloons and gifts for all of us to give her. Lisa's gift was a gag one filled with prunes, rubber gloves, etc. ( Becky had impacted bowels from all the vicadin she had been taking). She enjoyed the small party we did for her.

Came home, and we had bought tickets for "Phantom" for Saturday (aug.14). She went to see Dr. Peck on thursday Aug. 12. He said he couldn't see the stone, but scheduled some surgery for Tues. the 17th. Said he would try to use a scope and go in that way, just because she was in so much pain. She had appt. with Dr. Sinha that same afternoon. He said he would look at the CAT scan one more time. He came back in room and told her something was wrong with the pancreas. Set up an appt for a surgeon on next Thursday.Sent her to Shelby Hosp. for blood work.

Friday, she was so sick she said she could not go to see "Phantom". Sold Andi Glass the ticket.Sat. morning Andi called said she had been sick all night and could not go with us.Told Beck and she said she was a little better and decided to go with us. She had a good time and told me once that she was excited to see the show again. Still pretty sick, but she carried on.

Monday morning called Dr. Sinha and said she could not wait till Thurs. He sent her to Ashland Hospital Emergency room. The ER doc. had the original CAT scan sent to him and told us that the "cyst" was really large and she needed to be referred to Grant or OSU. Which one can get me in first, she said. A squad came in 15 min. and took her to Grant, where she stayed for 13 days and died.

So now I have to say good-bye to her and Granny. One of the mom's of Adam's friends had become good friends with her. She sent a bouquet of flowers to the funeral. It had one red rose and one white rose that was just a bud in it.Pam told Heather that the red rose meant friendship and the white rose meant saying good-bye.

This morning the red rose looks the same, but the white rose bud has bloomed out and the petals are already starting to fall off. I guess she is saying good -bye to us too.

Be happy in heaven Beck ! We'll be there soon so save us a place next to you. Love forever Mom